My Daughter has Poochie Lip Disease

It's amazing what a shower, a baby in bed, and a glass of wine in hand can do! Feeling refreshed and excited to be tapping away at this keyboard. I've struggled to make blogging a priority these past several months. I do enjoy and miss it, I really do. One would THINK being a stay at home mom means oodles and oodles of free time. Well, at least that's what the naive, pre-motherhood me thought. ANYWAY, I figured it's about time for an update. Veteran blogger, mommy, and sister in law will occasionally harass remind me that it's good to "write" this stuff down so I can remember the little details. I couldn't agree more.

And just like that nine months are behind me.

What better way to dive back into blogging than to talk about this little girl who has stolen my time, energy and heart? Below are pictures of Sydney months one through nine. It's fun to look back, is it not? She's changed so much! She looks more and more like her father with each passing month.

 

So, here's the latest on the Sydney Hope Chronicles....

Growth since birth: Gained 12 pounds and grew 9 inches. She currently weighs 17 lbs 4 oz and has climbed from 10th percentile to 45th in weight! Proud mama moment!

 I'm so glad I saved a premie size diaper. Sniff.

Teeth: Four! Two lower and two upper.

Eating: She nurses about 4-5 times a day. She's been eating solids since 6 months old, and I have  slowly been phasing out the baby purees. She especially loves chicken, cheese, waffles, avocados, and yogurt. In fact, I can't think of too much that she's turned her nose up to, other than the occasional green veggie. Which, who can blame her?

On the move: Rolls from tummy to back, and back to tummy like a champ. Not crawling yet, but she recently lunged forward towards a toy while in the sitting position and she WAS on all fours, for like a second, before she rolled to her back. I believe she is "creeping" now, as in she no longer stays on the blanket, which means I need to get to shampooing the carpets pronto. Because, dog. The pediatrician said some babies just do not crawl and skip right to walking! Regardless, I see progress each week. So, I'm not one bit concerned. I often fail to consider she's a premie, because just looking at her one would think she is not. So really, she would only be coming up on her 8 month birthday if she was born full term. In addition to creeping and rolling, Sydney can easily support herself standing, if she's holding onto something. I am savoring these fleeting days of a practically non-mobile child. Because, yikes!

Sleeping: Takes about an hour morning nap and a 1-2 hour afternoon nap. Goes to bed at 8:00 and sleeps until about 7:30 or so. She has been a wonderful sleeper, and has slept through the night (8+ hours) since she was eight weeks old. Don't hate me! I followed the Baby Wise "eat, wake, sleep" schedule, recommended by several mommy friends. I will never know for sure if it's because I followed the principles of this book, or if it's because she is naturally a good sleeper. BUT, I do know that if there is a next child, I plan to follow the same routine.

Saying- Lots of goo-goo-ga-ga's these days. I hear an occasional "ma" and "da", not that she knows what that means yet. But, it's still mostly squawking and other such banter like "heeeey!" and "ahhh!" when she's really excited.

Personality: Dare I say, introverted? She is happy, chatty and playful when she's at home with mommy and daddy. Nana and poppop are included in this innermost circle. Otherwise, there is crying and gnashing of teeth. They tell me this is a phase. She's had "stranger danger" since like, three months old?! Have I sheltered her too much? Is this the result of being cooped up all winter with her ever doting, neurotic mother (who, me?). OR, is she just shy and reserved around people and places she's not used to? Is it possible she is an introvert like her daddy, preferring smaller groups of those she loves most? The girl cries at the drop of a hat when not in mommy, daddy, nana, or poppop's arms. Heck, even if said intruder is infringing upon her personal space and I'm HOLDING her, the poochie lip may or may not make it's dramatic appearance. Among close family and friends, she has become known for her infamous Queen Elizabeth glare. If looks could kill.

  

And, my poor grandmother...I promise, she loves you! As the old saying goes, it is what it is. Come on Sydney, grow some thick skin already.

On second thought, she can be a mama's girl for as long as her little heart desires.

Completion of nine month hiatus. Check.

Holly xoxo

...while I have a burst of energy

So it's been almost two weeks postpartum. It's been such a roller coaster ride! I won't go into the birth story now, but that will come in time! I miss blogging, in fact there is a lot of things that I miss since becoming a mom, which I now can safely say is the most difficult job on earth! There are so many things going through my mind, yet at the same time it's hard to form those thoughts into words because my mind is a jumbled mess as it's coping with no sleep and raging hormones.

I just wanted to let you all know I am still here and I hope to be able to blog on a more regular basis soon! I know how important it is to document these feelings and memories and that time will fly by, even when it seems I won't survive another sleepless night! I've learned no one can prepare you for what's ahead as you go from taking care of just yourself, to taking care of a helpless tiny human being who is completely dependent on you. It boggles my mind still that she belongs to me and that God has entrusted her to my care. It's beautiful and I am in awe of how perfect her little features are. She is truly fearfully and wonderfully made.

My days have been consumed with feeding her. Since she is a preemie she is still having some problems getting all the milk she needs since she tires easily. So, I have to supplement with a bottle after I breast feed to see if she's still hungry. If she takes the bottle, then I pump as well. It's just a long process, but I know it's worth it and hopefully soon she will be strong enough to exclusively nurse. Every day she seems to get a little stronger and a little chubbier. :) She had her first well visit this past Monday at the pediatrician and gained three ounces in three days! This is a huge success and I go back this coming Monday to make sure she is continuing to gain since she lost a half pound of her birth weight. {She weighed 5 lbs 7 oz at birth and left the hospital at 4 lbs 14 oz). It would be great if she is close to her birth weight on Monday. Please continue to pray she grows strong! She is such a little fighter and makes progress every day. The doctor also said she has a slight case of jaundice, but didn't seem too concerned and suggested ten minutes of sunlight a day. Other than a diaper rash {thank goodness for Butt Paste, it's the best!}, the doctor said she looks good!

Wow, I can't believe how much I'm rambling and I'm sorry for how long this is getting! Obviously I need to get this out of my system. I guess this is what being house bound will do to you ;). No one to talk to! Tomorrow I am looking forward to taking her to my parents house for our young married couples church group BBQ{now that's a mouth full haha}. It will be nice to get out and do something "normal".

I'll end with some pictures of my little peanut. And I hope this post didn't sound like I was complaining, because I am not. I am just admitting how hard motherhood is! I know the hormones and exhaustion doesn't help. And I also know, this too shall pass.

It has been such a long journey to get to parenthood. And it was so worth it.

Holly xoxo

On pregnancy after loss

As many of you already know, I’m pregnant! I wish I could tell you it’s been nothing but bliss and euphoria, but it hasn’t. Let me rephrase that, medically and physically speaking, it has been smooth sailing and mostly uneventful, and for that I am so grateful. What I mean is, emotionally and mentally it’s been exhausting. You see, pregnancy after multiple losses is hard to explain {read another woman's experience on pregnancy after loss here}. It’s downright scary and exciting all at the same time. There’s fear and hope, hesitance and longing, worry and wishing, doubt and confidence, all wrapped up in tangled mess of emotions. Not to mention the guilt you feel for even having struggled with these things! After all, you’re pregnant! Quit worrying and enjoy! Add to that the crazy pregnancy hormones and you’ve got yourself a woman that’s fit for straight jacket. Ok, not quite, but you get the idea. ;)

Our doctor told us beforehand that at the 10 week ultrasound, if all was well, we would be out of the “danger zone.” Sure, Doc, whatever you say. This was my fourth pregnancy. The previous three never made it past nine weeks. In fact, the doctor told us our chances of  miscarrying this one was doubled because I got pregnant so quickly after the last miscarriage. So, naturally (I can be such a Debbie Downer…but who could blame me!?) I assumed the worst and braced myself for another lifeless babe to be waiting for me on the other side of the screen. “And there’s the heart beat,” the ultrasound tech said very matter-of-factly. Steve inched his chair even closer to my side and squeezed my hand. That man, how did I ever get so lucky? What a sweetheart. Maybe one day I’ll get him to share the mans point of view on this subject. He just doesn’t know it yet ;)

Gut wrenching crying ensued on the drive home that day. Looking back I probably should’ve pulled over considering I could barely see through my blurred vision! Oh sweet, sweet release. I was trying so hard to be strong leading up to that point. I had sealed my heart so tightly that the emotions and the relief exploded out of the seams of my soul. I had been holding this pregnancy at arms length for so long, that when I finally allowed my heart to start to accept the good that was happening I couldn’t handle it. I was so used to crying tears of grief, but this time it was tears of joy.

Here I am, well into my second trimester, and thank God all is well so far. But, even at almost 22 weeks, I still struggle with doubt, fear and worry. Silly thoughts come into my head like, “If I start buying maternity clothes or set up the nursery, I’ll jinx myself!" or "Something terrible will happen if I allow myself to enjoy this pregnancy and let my guard down.” It’s a daily battle, but it’s definitely a lot easier than it was in those first weeks. It takes a lot of faith and trust and just taking those false thoughts captive.

In church recently, we sang Oceans{Where my feet may fail} by Hillsong United and then we read the scripture passage in Matthew 14 where Peter walks out on the water to Jesus. 

“So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?””

This is just what my heart needed to be reminded of. I need to constantly be asking God to increase my faith. As much as I know that this pregnancy is a blessing, it is also like walking on a raging sea with waves crashing around me. No matter what, I need to keep my eyes focused on Jesus. Every day I am learning how to open up my heart again, even at the risk of loss. I have learned that nothing in life is guaranteed, but I have also learned that life is full of unexpected blessings and surprises.

"When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place." –CS Lewis

Happy birthday, Love

A post dedicated to my husband on his birthday.

I've celebrated 11 of your birthdays with you. I remember when you turned 18. We were only dating a month and I thought you were SO cool...officially an "adult"! Little did we know life together as we knew it back in 2003 was just beginning. Little did we know how much life was before us.

This year, you will become a daddy. And just when I think I can't love you any more than I already do, I imagine you holding our little girl and I think my heart just might burst with joy and adoration. If our daughter even gets just a taste of the love that you've shown me she will be greatly blessed, indeed. We are so lucky to have you! I don't thank God enough for you and who you have become. I just know, although not perfect, your selflessness and tender heart will make you one of the best daddy's in the whole world. Cue blowing nose and wiping tears. 

I hope that this 29th year of your life is one of the best yet. I hope you get lots of rocket building and launches in, and that you don't work too hard in our new back yard. I hope you remember how much I appreciate how hard you work for us, and that your quirky sense of humor and sometime nerdy {although adorable} mannerisms always bring a smile to my face.

Happy birthday, Love.

Easter 2014

I hope I didn't embarrass you too much! I just don't brag about how wonderful you are nearly enough. ;)

Now let's go out and celebrate!

xoxo

Let your heart be light...even when it's not

There's nothing like snow getting stuck on your dogs paws only to realize 30 seconds later that the snow was indeed dirty and now the snow has melted and there are dirty paw prints on the carpet.

But, that's neither here nor there.

Also! We have mice. It's only been five days and we have already caught FIVE. If I do the math correctly, that's one mouse per day. #gross 

Now that I got that out of the way...that being not very important at all in the grand scheme of things, we can move on to something I've been wanting to share.

My heart is heavy. And I won't go into much detail right now, but last month we lost our third pregnancy. A third child. A third dream turned to nightmare. I never thought I would be typing this, but I've had three consecutive miscarriages. These are not the words any woman wants to be typing or saying or claiming as her own. But it happened, and this is my life. No, life is not fair. It's messy and confusing and sometimes take-your-breath-away-because-you-just-got-punched-in-the-gut painful.

 
I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get out of this funk. This no inspiration to write funk. More often than not I find myself staring at a white computer screen with the text cursor blinking mockingly back at me. Writing about happy and light hearted things is difficult when your heart is heavy.

So, this is me being honest. The words come easier when you speak from your heart.

To be quite honest I am tired. This may not make sense, but as of late I feel like my life is like a broken record playing. One moment you're enjoying the sweet melody of life, and then suddenly there's a horrible screeching noise. And then, nothing. It's so abrupt sometimes. The song wasn't supposed to end there. It's not finished, you tell yourself. There's still a melody to be sung, words to be spoken. But, isn't that how life is? We are told to never stop hoping, even if there are no guarantees. We are told to take a risk and jump blindly, even if we have no proof of a soft landing.

I think the reason I have been struggling to write on my blog is because, like the bible says in Matthew 12:34, "Your words show what is in your heart." Quite frankly, my heart has been filled with longing, sadness and grief. Who wants to write about that, or even read about that? 

When I started this blog I told myself that I wanted to be real. I wanted to be honest. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to accept things for what they are. Sometimes they are sad. Sometimes they are messy. So messy it's exhausting to even think about.  

It's Christmas. The season of hope. As much as it hurts to hope, I never want to stop hoping. But, I'm also going to let myself struggle and question and be sad. 

My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night. I normally cry as I sing the lyrics. 

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

We are weary. This world is broken. Our lives are broken. There still isn't a cure for cancer. Relationships fail. death knocks at the door over and over again. Injustice often has the upper hand.

But He appeared.

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Hope. I have hope because God loved me so much that he humbled himself to the point of taking on human flesh. To become a helpless baby. I have hope because the Father sent his only son to this earth so that He could ultimately die for me. He left glory so that you and I can have hope.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

No matter what happens to us on this side of eternity, I have the hope that one day there will be no more suffering.

"He will wipe away all tears from their eyes. There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. The old things have disappeared.” Revelation 21:4

We are in the season of Advent. In Latin, Advent means "coming". If you look up Advent in the dictionary you will find this: The coming or arrival, especially of something extremely important. We celebrate the coming of something extremely important, indeed. It is the coming of Emmanuel 'God with Us'. But we must not forget that we are always in a season of Advent, four Sundays before Christmas or not. We anticipate the second Advent.

Come, Lord Jesus. Come.

. . .

God of Life,

There are days when the burdens we carry

chafe our shoulders and wear us down;

when the road seems dreary and endless;

the skies gray and threatening;

when our lives have no music in them

and our hearts are so lonely

and our souls have lost their courage.

Flood our path with light, we ask you;

turn our eyes to where

the skies are full of promise.

-St. Augustine of Hippo

Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Today I would've been thirteen weeks pregnant. The end of that dreaded first trimester. Why dreaded, you might ask? Dreaded because all I know within those first thirteen weeks is fear and loss. So, I pray and I wait. I keep it secret, for I can't bear celebrating too soon. It's too risky. I must stay calm. I must protect myself and keep my hopes at bay. I hope for the best, but expect the worst. This is all I know of the first trimester. This is all I know of pregnancy.

I grasp tightly to any symptom or sign my body might give to prove that I truly am pregnant. Any relief from these symptoms scare me. I pray that God would make me feel sick again. I worry and I wonder. I hold on desperately to my sanity and my faith. As waves of nausea and exhaustion take over, I am at peace. I relish in the fact that I get to eat saltines and sip on ginger ale. I proudly endure days of headaches without complaint in order to ween myself off caffeine. I embrace being the designated driver, and cheerfully turn down that glass of wine. After all, I'm pregnant! What a blessing! What a gift! What a miracle! And I grasp tightly to this this dream. This dream that has turned turned into reality. And I do not want to let go.

Today, we would've announced to the world that it was finally our turn. It was finally our turn to be the beaming parents to be. It was finally our turn to receive the "ohhs" and "ahhs"  and "congratulations!". It was finally our turn to be dancing instead of mourning and rejoicing instead of grieving.

 

Instead, I share with you, my dear friends and family, that we have yet again lost another sweet and precious baby. It all seems so surreal. Is this really happening again? My eyes close slowly and I take a deep breath. Another dream has evolved into a nightmare. More pieces of my heart is broken. Can it be?

You can hear the pain and agony in King David's words at the beginning of Psalm 13:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

My soul ponders these words. I empathize with David. Another version says "How long must I endure trouble? How long will sorrow fill my heart day and night?" {I am perplexed at those who say God's Word is irrelevant to them. How can you get more real with your pain than this?} I wonder if I will ever see my belly grow or know the sweet pains of labor. I wonder. And I ask God, why? After all, I was doing just fine with my infertility. I was at peace, I was learning to be content. And then, when I least expected it, I get pregnant! Surely this miracle was from you, God! Surely You saw fit that we were ready to be parents and blessed us with this "miracle baby". Why else would you give this to us, unexpectedly {we were taking a break from fertility treatments}, only to take it away? I do not understand, Lord. And I am struggling. I am upset that I have to grieve all over again. Grieving is painful and exhausting. I am told this is necessary. And I know deep down grieving is healthy, but it hurts. I just want it to go away. I want to hide and live in ignorant bliss. I don't want to think that I now have two babies waiting for me in heaven, rather than here on earth where I can love them and hold them.

This past Sunday in church as we were singing, my heart heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "your babies are safe in the arms of Jesus." And I believed it with my whole heart. My soul felt comforted as tears began to fill up my eyes. I was recently reminded by a friend to not focus so much on the actions of God, but rather the character of God. We may never understand or know the answers to our "whys", but I know that God loves me and promises to never leave me. And that is something I can hold onto wholeheartedly. 

 

image via Pinterest

Even though I have never met my babies, I miss them so much. To think if my pregnancies had gone well and that I would be a mom to two is hard to wrap my mind around. All I can do is wait and wonder. To Whom It May Concern by The Civil Wars has touched my heart recently. I realize the context of the lyrics is referring to a person longing for and missing a future soul mate. But these lyrics....it's hard for me to not think of my lost babies. It's a beautiful song.

"Why are you so far from me?...In my arms is where you are to be....How long will you make me wait?...I don't know how much more I can take...I missed you but I haven't met you."

Four weeks ago we walked into the ultrasound room anxious and excited. I would've been nine weeks. I remember it was as though you could hear a pin drop right before the ultrasound technician told us she could not detect a heart beat. Our baby had stopped growing a couple of days prior. She said she was so sorry and left the room to allow us to soak in the bad news. I almost felt like I could laugh. Laugh out in disbelief. Of course the laughing didn't come. I cried and I cried. Steve wrapped his arms around me as my heart metaphorically shook its clenched fist up at God. I remember thinking as the tears flowed, "you've got to be kidding me!" and "this can't be happening again?!". We were in shock. And our hearts broke and we held onto each tighter than ever.

Dear friends, I covet your prayers. Our faith is weak, but our Savior is strong. And so we take one day at a time. We do our best to focus on the good, on the blessings. He has blessed us with so much. It's funny how during the trials is sometimes when its easiest to see the blessings. I was reminded once again how blessed I am to have Steve by my side. I know many days I take him for granted. I thank God we have each other to endure this process of grieving and waiting together. Although my heart is torn and tattered, it is bursting with joy and love for my marriage and my dear husband. And so we walk side by side, hand in hand, doing our best to keep our eyes focused on Jesus.

 

The end of Psalm 13 goes like this...

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Random Thoughts Tuesday

So, I wasn't feeling very inspired to write today. I was planning to skip RTT and save all my random thoughts for NEXT Tuesday. Wouldn't that be something? But then, as I'm sitting here on my couch sipping some boxed chardonnay {from a glass mind you} and feeling the cool breeze making its way through our open windows I thought to myself, yes, yes I will write! I can sense your relief. So get ready for a bunch of nonsense! I'll blame give credit to the wine.

There's a frozen pizza in the oven right now. Steve is mowing the lawn. It's an exciting Tuesday evening at the Olsen residence! Jake is moping beside me on the couch. You see, he about gave his momma a heart attack as he went into a barking frenzy. That jogger, I'll tell you what. Scary stuff. The same jogger that passes by our house every. single. day. Also, I may have suffered from a minor ear drum injury during the whole fiasco. TBD.

It feels like fall outside today. You can even see it in the clouds. The sky has a touch of gray and the air feels cool. I dig it. I'm SO ready for fall. But, isn't that how it goes? At the end of each season we long for the next. And before you know it you are wishing away the very season you longed for in the first place! Hmm, I'm feeling a life lesson moment here. 

Longing for fall may have something to do with moving into a new house. May. We are about to begin a new chapter in our lives. It's a chance to stake our claim on new territory. Start out with a clean slate...make new memories...annoy some unsuspecting neighbors with a very voicetress goldendoodle..etc etc. 

Furthermore, what's not to love about fall? The colors. The decorations. The boots and sweaters. The sitting around a fire with loved ones. Fall is the gateway to all things festive! Thanksgiving, my birthday{naturally} and Christmas! I already informed my mom I would be hosting Thanksgiving AND Christmas this year. And the next year, and the next. She just chuckled. I need to learn how to cook a turkey eventually! She thinks this "I got a new house and I want to play hostess with the mostess" drunken stupor will eventually wear off. We'll see about that, Ma. 

And speaking of the house...it appraised at value! Meaning, it's pretty much ours!!! Not many more hoops to jumps through now! Seventeen days, baby! But, who's counting? ;)

Random Thoughts Tuesday

First off, can I just say I have the greatest friends and family ever? Things haven't exactly been easy lately, but oh do we feel loved on by so many! People may wonder, how can you say "God is good" in the midst of pain? He is the God that comforts {see 2 Corinthians 1:3-4} and he uses other people to bring comfort and joy, even when circumstances in life just plain suck. So, I just wanted to give a shout out to YOU! You know who you are. My mom. My sister{s}. My dear sweet friends. My church family. My Steve. And the list goes on. Even my pain in the butt goldendoodle brings comfort! When he curls up on the couch beside me and rests his head on my lap...I can't help but say, thank you Lord! You are good! Okay, maybe that sounds silly, but it's true! You just have to {do your best} focus on the blessings. Even when I am hurting, I can't help but feel blessed and thankful for my loved ones. Thank you God for providing what I need in the moment.

Secondly, I can't remember the last time I went to Wal-mart. Just throwing that out there. I usually HAVE to go there about once a month to stock up on bathroom essentials such as shampoo and toothpaste...they're just too expensive at the grocery store. BUT, I'm so excited that I discovered Amazon {let's just take a moment to thank The Lord for Amazon} also has most of these items for the same price, if not cheaper! I'm an Amazon Prime member {so worth the 80 bucks a year} so most of the stuff gets shipped for free in two days! Win win! Maybe you too can skip a trip to Wal-mart by doing this. You're welcome. 

As I type this I'm listening to Pandora. I'm singing along to the song I and Love and You by The Avett Brothers. Another great band! And guess what?! Allison introduced me to their great sound. Fun, easy to sing along to music. Bummer is I found out they're playing in Philly when we'll be vacationing in the Outer Banks. Well, that's not the bummer. The timing is just a bummer. Oh well! I suppose I have been to enough great concerts this year. Speaking of which...

Hear ye hear ye! The Olsen's are going to see 30 Seconds To Mars live in concert at the end of September! Score! The excitement cannot be contained. Mumford & Sons take two! Although this time we get to see Jared Leto {ladies, can I get a swoooon} instead of Marcus Mumford. We will have fun.  

Indeed, there will be much to blog about coming up in the next several months.

I gotta wrap this up because we're heading on over to Olsen Central for dinner tonight! Woot woot! We normally don't go more than a week without seeing one another and it's been...what...ten days?! Say it ain't so! A mid week meeting of the Olsen's had to be in order. Bonus, my brother in law can cook like it's nobody's business. Thanks, Matt! 

Have I mentioned before that I have THE cutest niece and nephew ever? It's true. And I'm not just saying that. It's a fact.

See?

I'll end with this thought. Lets try to focus on the good in our life, because let's face it, there will always be some sort of bad happening. On the other side of the coin, there is always something to be thankful for. You know how that song goes..."count your blessings...name them one by one...count your blessings see what God has done..."

Anyway...happy Tuesday! At least it's not Monday. See? I'm focusing on the good. It's not too hard. Just takes some practice :)

day 23: a lesson learned

Sometimes, you just gotta learn the hard way. No matter what people advise you to do or not do, lessons in life are often learned by going with your gut instinct, which sometimes results in making mistakes. For example, my dog … I wouldn’t call him a mistake per say, but a stubborn rash decision, perhaps? You know, they just don’t teach you the ins and outs of dog ownership in school. They should. I admit, I should’ve just listened to my husband. He was against the whole idea. But, I begged and pleaded and convinced him to “just look” at a litter of goldendoodle puppies. I knew what I was doing, people. I knew as soon as he laid eyes on the nine pound fur ball he couldn’t say no.  And so, we bought a puppy. Was I ever in for a shock! Dogs are a lot of work. We didn’t factor in {I was in denial} things like: make sure we were home to give him a potty break; spend thousands of dollars on vet care; have damage done to our home and other household belongings; BARKING; muddy paws; and the list goes on…

I will say dog ownership has taught us responsibility in caring for another living thing. It has also taught us that we will never get a dog again. We’ve learned our lesson.  Jake will  be our first and our last.

*Jake, if you're reading this please know mommy and daddy love you not matter what.

{Tomorrow: my worst traits} 

day 20, 21, & 22

Today I’m going to play catch up. I’ve failed the "blog everyday in may" challenge, not once, but TWICE as of late. The OCD in me is fighting with everything it’s got to “fix” this. But, I’m going to cheat a little. Do three days in one.

Today I’m supposed to get up on my soap box and complain about something. Here is said complaint: we’ve been busy folks. Super. Busy. Hence the skipping day’s 20 and 21. You see, we are getting our home ready for the market{yikes!}. Our goal is to have it ready to show by the beginning of June. Now, I’m a pretty organized person. Or so I thought. Or so people told me. Then, I started to notice how much stuff we accumulated over the years {just under five to be exact} and I was just a tad embarrassed/mortified as we walked from room to room with our real estate agent, Shirley. Let’s just say our walk-in closet became a catch all for anything and everything. I can now say with head held high that our closet and the remainder of bathrooms and bedrooms have been de-cluttered, organized, and minimized. Next up…kitchen. Not looking forward to that. So what exactly am I complaining about? Life is demanding. It’s busy. Husbands are traveling weeks on end for business. Friends and their three kids under the age of eight visited. Back splash for the kitchen is being shopped for. Kitchen faucets are being replaced. Wives are having mental breakdowns. You know, good stuff. Just a lot. When it rains it pours they say. This is how my May feels. I thought May was supposed to bring flowers, not MORE rain! Again, I’m not complaining. It’s just mayhem. Therefore, no time for blogging. Will you forgive me?

That brings me to day 20. Write about something you’re struggling with right now. I debated writing about this, but thought I’d give myself and my readers a little break from hearing about that. Instead, a struggle right now is NOT HAVING ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY{see paragraph above}. It’s true. Like I said, this past weekend we hosted our dearest friends, who now live in Albania, for the weekend. They are in the states for a wedding. It was wonderful and crazy and fun and exhausting all at the same time. So, house prepping/blogging/sleeping was put on hold. Steve has a cold now. We’ve been going to bed by 8:00 that past two nights. Trying to play catch up with our energy and sanity. That’s what happens when you're not used to having five extra people in your home. That’s what happens when you stay up past 1 am three nights in a row all in an effort to savor all the time you can get with your best friends before you have to say goodbye again. It was all worth it.

Day 21. Some of my favorite posts that I’ve written thus far. I’ve only been blogging for less than two months. So, I don't have a huge selection to choose from. Here they are:

What keeps me up at night. This is my fourth post ever. I think it's funny. I'm proud of it. Who wouldn't love reading about all the crazy stuff my husband does in his sleep?

Learning how to breath again. It wasn't easy writing about my miscarriage. But, at the same time, it was very freeing and therapeutic to write down my feelings and process what happened. I received a lot of feedback after writing this post, and it has encouraged my heart in many ways.

On Goldendoodles. I just had to choose a post from the "blog every day in may" challenge. I've been told this post made people laugh. I think it was a creative way to write about something I'm good at. I'm a doodle expert!

And so concludes day's 20, 21, and 22 of the challenge.

*Warning: don't be surprised if I skip a day here and there and have to play catch up again. I'm on a timeline people!

{Tomorrow: what life has taught me}