Outies and Hiccups

I figured it was about time to give my future self a little update on what's going on currently. 

First things first. 

Honey, we need a new computer! I know we can't afford one right now, but it's slow and the text cursor continues to freeze which is especially annoying when you're trying to quickly write out a blog post, because, ain't nobody got time for that! {gets me. every. time.} 

While we're on the honey-please-do-list, I'm thinking the tree branches next to the kitchen window need to be trimmed because when the wind blows it scrapes the shiz out of the screen and makes an awful sound. Not to mention the noise always freaks me out, plus it can't be good for said screen. Am I right? Wow, really rambling here, sorry.

Moving on. Let's start with the title. I'm pretty sure I have/am going to have an outie belly button for the duration of this pregnancy. And no, I don't have any pictures to show you. Gross. Now that we've got that useless piece of information out of the way, onto the latter and more exciting part of the title. Hiccups! Baby girl had a bad case of the hiccups today. One of the weirdest feelings ever! I can best describe it as a gentle  rhythmic pulse...not fast enough for a heart beat, almost like a muscle spasm. It was pretty flipping cool. Made my day. Like is this really happening?! Sometimes, scratch that, often times, I think my heart will burst with love and bewilderment at what's going on inside of my body. I will admit I felt pretty sorry for the little one...hiccups aren't exactly fun times. Thankfully they only lasted about five minutes.

He has no idea what's about to happen to his perfect little world in just a few short months. Maniacal Laugh.

So I staged his paw on my belly to take a cute picture...so what? #mammothpaw

About a month ago my mom and I fought hard to win these AMAZING homemade bread and butter pickles at the Relay for Life Auction at my work. Apparently it's common knowledge among most people that you don't come between a pregnant girl and pickles.

And wow...my belly has grown A LOT since then. I'll blame it on those pickles. ;)

Jake's summer cut. Take note, he thinks hes' a lap dog.

Lilacs lilacs lilacs. If only they could bloom all summer long. I imagine this is what heaven smells like.

I'll end this post with a look at 26 week old Sydney in utero. The horizontal stripes just really compliment the bump, wouldn't you say?

And don't be alarmed. There is much more going on in my life than what was mentioned today. Like reading baby books, setting up the nursery, landscaping, impromptu road trips to Michigan, picking ticks off your dog etc. You know, just your normal run of the mill every day stuff.

Well, I'm about to throw this computer out the window. Ah ha! solution to the problem. Broken laptop means new laptop...hmm.

Until next time.

Holly xoxo

On pregnancy after loss

As many of you already know, I’m pregnant! I wish I could tell you it’s been nothing but bliss and euphoria, but it hasn’t. Let me rephrase that, medically and physically speaking, it has been smooth sailing and mostly uneventful, and for that I am so grateful. What I mean is, emotionally and mentally it’s been exhausting. You see, pregnancy after multiple losses is hard to explain {read another woman's experience on pregnancy after loss here}. It’s downright scary and exciting all at the same time. There’s fear and hope, hesitance and longing, worry and wishing, doubt and confidence, all wrapped up in tangled mess of emotions. Not to mention the guilt you feel for even having struggled with these things! After all, you’re pregnant! Quit worrying and enjoy! Add to that the crazy pregnancy hormones and you’ve got yourself a woman that’s fit for straight jacket. Ok, not quite, but you get the idea. ;)

Our doctor told us beforehand that at the 10 week ultrasound, if all was well, we would be out of the “danger zone.” Sure, Doc, whatever you say. This was my fourth pregnancy. The previous three never made it past nine weeks. In fact, the doctor told us our chances of  miscarrying this one was doubled because I got pregnant so quickly after the last miscarriage. So, naturally (I can be such a Debbie Downer…but who could blame me!?) I assumed the worst and braced myself for another lifeless babe to be waiting for me on the other side of the screen. “And there’s the heart beat,” the ultrasound tech said very matter-of-factly. Steve inched his chair even closer to my side and squeezed my hand. That man, how did I ever get so lucky? What a sweetheart. Maybe one day I’ll get him to share the mans point of view on this subject. He just doesn’t know it yet ;)

Gut wrenching crying ensued on the drive home that day. Looking back I probably should’ve pulled over considering I could barely see through my blurred vision! Oh sweet, sweet release. I was trying so hard to be strong leading up to that point. I had sealed my heart so tightly that the emotions and the relief exploded out of the seams of my soul. I had been holding this pregnancy at arms length for so long, that when I finally allowed my heart to start to accept the good that was happening I couldn’t handle it. I was so used to crying tears of grief, but this time it was tears of joy.

Here I am, well into my second trimester, and thank God all is well so far. But, even at almost 22 weeks, I still struggle with doubt, fear and worry. Silly thoughts come into my head like, “If I start buying maternity clothes or set up the nursery, I’ll jinx myself!" or "Something terrible will happen if I allow myself to enjoy this pregnancy and let my guard down.” It’s a daily battle, but it’s definitely a lot easier than it was in those first weeks. It takes a lot of faith and trust and just taking those false thoughts captive.

In church recently, we sang Oceans{Where my feet may fail} by Hillsong United and then we read the scripture passage in Matthew 14 where Peter walks out on the water to Jesus. 

“So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?””

This is just what my heart needed to be reminded of. I need to constantly be asking God to increase my faith. As much as I know that this pregnancy is a blessing, it is also like walking on a raging sea with waves crashing around me. No matter what, I need to keep my eyes focused on Jesus. Every day I am learning how to open up my heart again, even at the risk of loss. I have learned that nothing in life is guaranteed, but I have also learned that life is full of unexpected blessings and surprises.

"When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place." –CS Lewis

Happy birthday, Love

A post dedicated to my husband on his birthday.

I've celebrated 11 of your birthdays with you. I remember when you turned 18. We were only dating a month and I thought you were SO cool...officially an "adult"! Little did we know life together as we knew it back in 2003 was just beginning. Little did we know how much life was before us.

This year, you will become a daddy. And just when I think I can't love you any more than I already do, I imagine you holding our little girl and I think my heart just might burst with joy and adoration. If our daughter even gets just a taste of the love that you've shown me she will be greatly blessed, indeed. We are so lucky to have you! I don't thank God enough for you and who you have become. I just know, although not perfect, your selflessness and tender heart will make you one of the best daddy's in the whole world. Cue blowing nose and wiping tears. 

I hope that this 29th year of your life is one of the best yet. I hope you get lots of rocket building and launches in, and that you don't work too hard in our new back yard. I hope you remember how much I appreciate how hard you work for us, and that your quirky sense of humor and sometime nerdy {although adorable} mannerisms always bring a smile to my face.

Happy birthday, Love.

Easter 2014

I hope I didn't embarrass you too much! I just don't brag about how wonderful you are nearly enough. ;)

Now let's go out and celebrate!

xoxo

Waddle it be? Take a quack at it

As many of you already know, we will be welcoming a longed for, prayed for, sweet baby girl in just a few short months! We are so excited to share with you a peak into our gender reveal party that we hosted with close family and friends. What intended to be simple and low key, ended up being an explosion of all things pink, blue and ducklings! Thank you mom for helping me plan a fun and memorable "Waddle It Be?" themed gender reveal! And, a big thank you to the wonderful Laurie, for acting as event photographer. I really appreciate it!

Guests wore blue or pink depending on if they thought it was a boy or a girl. There was a $25 gift card drawing for those who brought a pack of diapers. There was laughter, a little bit of tears and yummy homemade chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter icing.{thanks, Erin!} I'm so glad we celebrated the reveal all together with our loved ones, even though initially I thought the idea of a gender reveal was a bit cheesy and a tad over dramatic. It's about creating memories and having fun, am I right?

Get ready for lots of pictures and cuteness overload. ;)

I had to include our "doodle baby", Jake. He joined in on the festivities at the end when most guests had bid their farewells, because, lezbehonest, he's a maniac. Aww, just look how proud he is? I'm sure he'll accept baby girl as the alpha jr in no time at all. ;)

And because many of you may be wondering what we will be naming our little girl, I thought I might as well make it official.

...drum roll please...

Sydney Hope Olsen. Cue clapping and awing and squeals. We are just so in love with the name, and we hope {see what I did there?} you like it, too. Not that we really care. ;)

I still have to pinch myself. Are we really having a baby??? What. Is. Happening.

Currently-ing

I figured it's about time I make an appearance on this here blog of mine. I've seen this little survey floating around the blog lands and thought it'd be fun! Bonus: writing this post took no creative energy on my part. Fill in the blanks? I can so do this! I can tell you're impressed.

Making: a blog post.

Cooking: poppy seed chicken casserole and browned butter noodles.
Reading: Mockingjay and Glorious Ruin: how suffering sets you free. Two books? I'm such an over achiever. In fact, I've set a goal to read one fiction and one non-fiction book a month in 2014.
Wanting: a vacation. Preferably to Bermuda (pictured below), Albania, or Montana.

Looking: at a computer/kindle/iphone screen far too often.

Playing: Pandora quick mix.
Wasting: energy on worrying. It's not good, people. I'm trying to be better.
Sewing: absolutely nothing.
Wishing: for a baby
Enjoying: hot tea, the fireplace and my book
Waiting:  for Steve to come home
Liking: staying in and being lazy

Wondering: what this year will hold
Loving: My house. Steve and I will still look at each other with goofy grins and say "I just love our house" :)
Hoping: this head ache goes away. I never get head aches!

Marveling: at how cold it's been. Especially when my nose hairs froze as I was getting into my car to leave work the other day.
Smelling: pine. Mistletoe Yankee candle to be exact.
Wearing: yoga pants, a fleece AND a sweatshirt. It's cold out there.
Following: The leader the leader the leader, we're following the leader wherever he may go....

Noticing: I am tired. I want to take a nap.
Knowing: cliches and other overused expressions are over rated. It is what it is.

Thinking: this post was harder to do than I thought!
Bookmarking: This because living abroad sounds exciting and thrilling and romantic.
Opening: a web browser tab...too literal?

Giggling: Cards Against Humanity. A game not to be played with your parents.
Feeling: emotional. I know that's vague, but it's the honest truth! Feeling too many emotions at the same time=emotional.

Only two days until Friday! And, Happy New Year!