Let your heart be light...even when it's not

There's nothing like snow getting stuck on your dogs paws only to realize 30 seconds later that the snow was indeed dirty and now the snow has melted and there are dirty paw prints on the carpet.

But, that's neither here nor there.

Also! We have mice. It's only been five days and we have already caught FIVE. If I do the math correctly, that's one mouse per day. #gross 

Now that I got that out of the way...that being not very important at all in the grand scheme of things, we can move on to something I've been wanting to share.

My heart is heavy. And I won't go into much detail right now, but last month we lost our third pregnancy. A third child. A third dream turned to nightmare. I never thought I would be typing this, but I've had three consecutive miscarriages. These are not the words any woman wants to be typing or saying or claiming as her own. But it happened, and this is my life. No, life is not fair. It's messy and confusing and sometimes take-your-breath-away-because-you-just-got-punched-in-the-gut painful.

 
I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get out of this funk. This no inspiration to write funk. More often than not I find myself staring at a white computer screen with the text cursor blinking mockingly back at me. Writing about happy and light hearted things is difficult when your heart is heavy.

So, this is me being honest. The words come easier when you speak from your heart.

To be quite honest I am tired. This may not make sense, but as of late I feel like my life is like a broken record playing. One moment you're enjoying the sweet melody of life, and then suddenly there's a horrible screeching noise. And then, nothing. It's so abrupt sometimes. The song wasn't supposed to end there. It's not finished, you tell yourself. There's still a melody to be sung, words to be spoken. But, isn't that how life is? We are told to never stop hoping, even if there are no guarantees. We are told to take a risk and jump blindly, even if we have no proof of a soft landing.

I think the reason I have been struggling to write on my blog is because, like the bible says in Matthew 12:34, "Your words show what is in your heart." Quite frankly, my heart has been filled with longing, sadness and grief. Who wants to write about that, or even read about that? 

When I started this blog I told myself that I wanted to be real. I wanted to be honest. Sometimes you just need to allow yourself to accept things for what they are. Sometimes they are sad. Sometimes they are messy. So messy it's exhausting to even think about.  

It's Christmas. The season of hope. As much as it hurts to hope, I never want to stop hoping. But, I'm also going to let myself struggle and question and be sad. 

My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night. I normally cry as I sing the lyrics. 

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

We are weary. This world is broken. Our lives are broken. There still isn't a cure for cancer. Relationships fail. death knocks at the door over and over again. Injustice often has the upper hand.

But He appeared.

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

Hope. I have hope because God loved me so much that he humbled himself to the point of taking on human flesh. To become a helpless baby. I have hope because the Father sent his only son to this earth so that He could ultimately die for me. He left glory so that you and I can have hope.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

No matter what happens to us on this side of eternity, I have the hope that one day there will be no more suffering.

"He will wipe away all tears from their eyes. There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. The old things have disappeared.” Revelation 21:4

We are in the season of Advent. In Latin, Advent means "coming". If you look up Advent in the dictionary you will find this: The coming or arrival, especially of something extremely important. We celebrate the coming of something extremely important, indeed. It is the coming of Emmanuel 'God with Us'. But we must not forget that we are always in a season of Advent, four Sundays before Christmas or not. We anticipate the second Advent.

Come, Lord Jesus. Come.

. . .

God of Life,

There are days when the burdens we carry

chafe our shoulders and wear us down;

when the road seems dreary and endless;

the skies gray and threatening;

when our lives have no music in them

and our hearts are so lonely

and our souls have lost their courage.

Flood our path with light, we ask you;

turn our eyes to where

the skies are full of promise.

-St. Augustine of Hippo

Where I host my first ugly Christmas sweater party

Our young married couples group at church had our first {annual?} ugly sweater Christmas party. And being the proud new home owner that I am was chomping at the bit to play hostess. Due to the fact that winter decided to show up early in full force we had to cancel. Miraculously, almost everyone could still make it when we rescheduled a week later.

Now not everyone chose to participate, but most did and it was entertaining to see what ugly sweaters walked through my front door.

I'm proud to say I won ugliest sweater for the girls. I also won the Christmas movie trivia game...what can I say? Who likes loves Christmas movies and has two thumbs? This girl.

Jake won categories for ugliest turtle neck and most photogenic pup. In my book he also wins cutest dog award, but as his mom I may be partial. Also, check out my red lipstick! An ugly Christmas sweater party was the perfect opportunity to test the lipstick wearing waters. What do you think? Initially I felt absolutely ridiculous, but it grew on me.

Mom and I rocking our vests. Steve rocking his buck sweater... mullet not included.

Ugliest sweater winner for the guys goes to Justin...because it's really a women's sweater and it has shoulder pads.

Most creative sweater goes to Ben! It wasn't a category to vote for, but I say it's creative. It's still up for debate who exactly the character represents on his sweater...is it Moses? Joseph? Jake didn't care who it was supposed to be, he saw it as a toy and a tug of war match ensued between he and Ben's sweater.

Two other couples opted out of the contest, as well as my dad. Party poopers. Just kidding! I meant to take more pictures...you know how that goes. Must have been too busy playing hostess. My parents are the leaders of our young married couples group, just in case your were wondering why they were there, being that they're not in fact a 'young' married couple. ;)

I couldn't be more proud to be friends with such great couples. They are some of the kindest and most fun people I know. I'm thankful for my church family. I'm blessed to belong to such an accepting and caring body of believers.

"Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function,  so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other." Romans 12:4-5

 

Nine days until Christmas! I'm sorry, I just can't help myself. I'll be counting down on le blog from now until Christmas. It came so fast this year. Am I right?

 

Get to know me: Christmas style

My lovely sister-in-law over at Andiamo has tagged me to participate in this little Christmas Questionnaire.

 

 

 

Questions:

1.What do you love the most about Christmas time?

The five senses are awakened over the holiday season. I love the sent of pine and cinnamon. The sound of bells ringing and carols singing. The feeling of warmth from the fireplace on your skin. The sight of sparking lights decorating neighborhoods and streets. The taste of snickerdoodles and hot chocolate. 

2. Do you celebrate the holiday in style or is Bah-Humbug for you?

 I'd say, yes. I do celebrate in style. I mean, I decorate my house, I bake cookies,  I send out Christmas cards...so that makes me definitely NOT bah-humbug.

3. Are you leaving anything out for Santa Claus this year so he remembers to leave your presents?

When I was a kid I used to leave out milk and cookies. Now? No. Who needs Santa when you've got a husband that spoils you.

4. What is the one gift you are most looking forward to GIVING? {It can be to your kids, another family member, etc – remember to be discreet if they read your blog!}

Almost everyone that I'm giving a present to reads my blog. Mum's the word!

 

5. What is your all-time favorite Christmas movie?

Home Alone 1 and 2. 

 

You’re what the French call les incompetents. 

 

I could go on and on. So many good lines in these movies. And, there's plenty more where that came from. *hands Cedric a stick of gum*

6. What is your all-time favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night is my all-time favorite. It's just beautiful.

 

I also love this rendition of The Little Drummer Boy. I know, it's super 80's and all, but it's more like the memories this song provokes that I love. My dad used to blasts this over the living room speakers and me and my sisters would dance around and around.

 

 

7. If given the opportunity would you participate in an “Ugly Sweater” party and what sweater would you wear?  Peruse one on the internet or even in your own closet and show us!
Yes! In fact, I'm hosting my very first ugly sweater Christmas party tomorrow! And, I will being wearing an ugly sweater, of course. ;) You'll have to wait and be the judge of how ugly it is when I post about later.

8. Have you started any Christmas traditions this year that you plan on carrying forward?

Uhm, yes! Since my birthday and Christmas are only a month apart, I asked Steve for a trip to NYC as a combined birthday/Christmas gift. We are already planning to go next year...and hopefully with this crazy couple.

 

9. It’s Christmas morning … what does it look like outside where you live?
It looks kind of dreary out. It's usually cold. 

 

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

10. You just found yourself standing under the mistletoe … who comes up to give you a kiss first?

Do people still do this? And to be quite honest I don't think anyone just "finds" themselves under the mistletoe, I mean really. But, to be fair I will answer the question. If not my husband Steve, then most definitely the other man in my life...Jake.

So there you have it folks. And just throwing this out there...only thirteen days until Christmas!!!! Just think, tomorrow we can sing The Twelve Days of Christmas in all it's glory.

Ding Dang Dong

NYC day two. I didn't sleep well. I'm a light sleeper and I didn't have my fan. But, due to a little thing called technology I used a noise app on my phone to mimic the sound of a fan. But, my body wasn't fooled and knew it was a fake, hence the bad nights rest. Also, my feet were already hurting and we didn't even check out of the hotel yet. I'm complaining, aren't I? I'm sorry. All in all it was another successful day in The City!

^^^Because I forgot to add this picture to day 1's post. The line was wrapped around the building. But, we waited. It was worth it, just in case you were wondering.

^^^We started off day two walking to Central Park.

^^^Ain't much better in here, kid.

^^^Is this the bridge where Harry and Marv get arrested at the end of Home Alone 2? We humored ourselves and pretended it was.

^^^"KEVIN! You spent $967 on room service!"

^^^Have I mentioned before that we like to entertain ourselves?

^^^New York's most exciting hotel experience!

^^^That's me waiting for a limo to pick me up to see Duncans Toy Chest: "five floors of cash"

^^^For you readers who haven't seen Home Alone 2{shame on you!} this is the Plaza Hotel.

^^^Where Kevin reunites with his mom. AKA Rockefeller Center.

^^^Lunch at Eataly. Next time you visit NYC...GO THERE! So good.

^^^After lunch we started heading towards the High Line and stumbled through this neighborhood...

^^^...and I wanted to live here. So charming. Also, probably very expensive. One can dream, right?

^^^The High Line is an elevated park built on a 1.5 mile section of the former New York Central Railroad, which runs along the lower west side of Manhattan.

To be quite honest the High Line really wasn't all that exciting. Although, it was nice to avoid traffic lights. I'm thinking in the summer it would be more enjoyable. Also, at this point we were getting tired, sore and cranky. So, it's possible we just weren't in the right frame of mind{and body} to fully appreciate it.

Next we stopped at a Starbucks{they're EVERYWHERE!} to grab a coffee and then we were off to Penn Station. Let me just say, Penn Station the Sunday after Thanksgiving is madness. I don't know whose bright idea it was to not inform the passengers of the track their train would be arriving on until TEN MINUTES before boarding...but that's how it works. Needless to say it was an every man fends for himself kind of situation. The important thing is that we made it on the train. Phew.

It's become sort of an Olsen family travel tradition. ;)

Next year we will make sure to go when the tree is lit.

"What city is that over there...?"

"It's New York, sir."

You'll have to bare with me. I sort of quote Home Alone, like, all the time. Even when it's not Christmas time.

So, Steve asked me what I wanted for my birthday/Christmas. I had the brilliant idea of combining both birthday and Christmas gifts{perk of having your birthday close to the holidays} so I could get a mega gift.

"I want to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway." said I. You see, it's been on my bucket list for a long time now. This meant going to New York City. Duh. Steve agreed it would be fun. {he's a good man that Steve} The best part is we were able to use Steve's hotel reward points and stay overnight near Times Square for only $70! Score! See Steve, all that traveling to Detroit {*chuckles} paid off after all!

I'll start off by saying we had SO much fun. Or as the elderly lady that was on the train with us would say: "What a hoot!" People watching/eavesdropping on other peoples conversations is a favorite past time of ours. It doesn't take much to entertain ourselves. As you can imagine, we tried to insert the phrase "what a hoot!" as often as we could just to giggle to ourselves. This is the stuff healthy marriages are made of, people. Okay, not really, but what I'm trying to say is getting away from reality to just be silly and have some clean old fashioned fun is good for the soul. And, it's good for your marriage, too. NYC was the perfect place to do just that.

Shall we get started then?

^^^As you can see I was very excited for our upcoming adventure. Adventure because we are were practically NYC virgins. I was so excited I felt it merited taking a selfie. "I could look worse..." I tell myself.

^^^We parked in Hamilton, NJ and took the train into Penn Station. It's the way to do it! After witnessing all the traffic jams we were high-fiving each other for choosing public transit.
Isn't he so debonair?

^^^We stayed on 40th Street. Within a ten minute walk we were in Times Square or the Broadway District. Perfect!

^^^"I'll have an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you open with a key..."

^^^After we checked in at the hotel we had lunch before heading over to the show. We each had two slices of pizza and a coke. Our total came to $6.50. It was delicious. Who says you can't eat in NYC for cheap?!

^^^EEK!

^^^The Majestic Theatre was built in the 1920s. It was beautiful. I was just so happy.

^^^We ordered some cab sauv. Naturally it came in sippy cups...we can't be staining the carpet! Genius! And it doubles as a souvenir! Don't ask how much we paid for a "sippy" of red.

 ^^^Happy sigh/wine buzz is starting to take effect

^^^I just love this man. Like, so much. <3

 

^^^The chandelier moved up and down. I was impressed. Also, did you know the word chandelier originated from the French language? If you already knew that, then pretend you didn't because I was impressed with this little trivia tid bit. 

FYI: The Phantom of The Opera was written by a French man named Gaston Leroux in the early 1900s. It is the longest running show in Broadway history. Pretty cool, right? I highly recommend this show! I may or may not have teared up during the show. The story is lovely, the music is beautiful. I also may or may not have been a bit buzzed from that cab sauv. The origin of tears is still up for debate.

^^^There's not very many picture of us together. We felt shy about asking people to take our picture. Everyone seemed to be in such a rush! Now that I think about it, we didn't take anyone else's picture either.

^^^I wish we would've taken more pictures at Tolaoche, an upscale Mexican restaurant in Manhattan. The chef, Julian Medina, was the runner up winner of Iron Chef in 2011. The food was superb. It was the best guacamole I have ever tasted. And the flavors in the tacos made my mouth do a little jig.

¡Buen provecho!

^^^There were more than 100 tequilas in stock at Tolaoche. Enough said.

^^^After dinner we bundled up and walked walked walked.

^^^I told Steve I wanted to see the Rockettes next year for my birthday/Christmas gift. He just rolled his eyes. ;)

^^^I was SO disappointed the tree wasn't lit yet. :( We missed it by four days. All the more reason to return to NYC next year!

^^^Saks on Fifth. We were in here for about two hours no lie. It was quite the experience.

^^^There was an entire floor{10 floors total} dedicated to women's designer shoes. Dear Lord have mercy.

 ^^^This shoe? $1,700. 

^^^Times Square baby!

^^^I don't know why I made him pose in front of the Olive Garden sign in Times Square. We didn't eat there on anything like that...but since I don't have many pictures of Steve, here you go!

^^^The city that never sleeps

^^^My first hot dog from one of those little street stands. It was good.

And that wraps up day one of our adventures in NYC! It was so nice being able to stay out late and go back to a hotel to sleep rather than traveling back home. By the end of the day a hot shower and soft bed was calling my name. Will we have enough steam to continue on to day two? Stay tuned to find out.